Cringe…

cringe: verb to recoil with distaste or disdain from something that offends the senses or one’s coolness…in fact that last bit can be used to include pretttttty much anything older people do…and by older that includes you 25-year olds so don’t get all smug!

So things I pretty much cannot do because it’s cringe:

Use the word cringe…for those that are experiencing the emotion can use it, they who cause the emotion must not…because then it will cause the former to well cringe again and then you see we stay in a cringing hyperloop of sorts!

Do anything that remotely reeks of wanting to belong to that generation…because well…cringe…that includes asking what your kids’ friends’ names are, which grade they are at school (I’m kidding…of course I know), assume that you know what music is trending (note to self…nothing you know is trending…ever), think that you understand anything about relationships or sexuality or identity (because of course teenage angst is a brand new thing and humans have been reproducing for millennia completely by accident!)…

But in the spirit of maintaining one’s dignity while building an app for a generation that will never let me be cool here’s how cringe works with Klapklap

We will never use language that makes people think we are like Facebook…for then that would be cringe…Instagram, Yes…Facebook No

We will try to never have crappy video content like apps that may not be named…cos then y’know…cringe

We won’t attempt to own teen or tween lingo unless one of our contributors or influencers uses it…for that would be age appropriation and yep… cringe

We will not say lingo…ever…again

We will not become a chain-mail abusing, bad link forwarding, aging the app by existing, kind of company…also thereby avoiding cringe…this of course requires banning all people over the age of 20 on the app! Maybe our cool feature is an end age date on the profile…the day you turn 20 you’ll be cut off from Klapklap forever!

We will mandate only one emoji at a time should be used and wherever possible with tongue firmly in cheek…members who use more than a single emoji shall be summarily banned? Oh wait… I can’t do that…scratch…cringe it will have to be…

And that’s it for the cringe part of my manifesto!

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